


Brotherly Affection

by yuletide_archivist



Category: The Importance of Being Earnest - Wilde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-19
Updated: 2008-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 02:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1626566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It is utterly unfashionable these days to have a brother. One never sees it in the best of houses."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brotherly Affection

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Culumacilinte

 

 

Gwendolen was endearingly forward, Jack had always thought so. An unfashionable trait in a wife, he had to admit, and almost too appropriate in a fiancée, but simply endearing when she had been just plain Algernon's cousin Gwendolen.

Not plain, he corrected himself, never that. But forward, very forward, shockingly forward enough to sit there across the dinner table, calmly spearing a sliced apple with her fork, looking directly at Cecily without a trace of shame, brazenly discussing the season's changing fashions in footwear, when all the while her toes were tracing a path up and down the inside of Jack's trouser leg.

Rather more up than down.

Forward. Shockingly forward. So forward, in fact, that while they were waiting for dessert to be served, when Cecily urged everyone to stay in their seats and stood up to demonstrate some point of fashion - if pressed on exactly what point it had been, Jack would have to admit that his mind had not been entirely on the conversation - Gwendolen stood up to join Cecily in her demonstration. Naturally, his darling Gwendolen was never less than perfection when it came to any and every point of fashion. Somewhat less naturally, this didn't seem to have any effect on the toes still teasing him beneath the table.

After a moment, he dared a peek under the tablecloth.

Lowering the cloth, his gaze slid to where Algernon was seated, to the left of Gwendolen's empty chair.

Jack was a deeply unworthy man and he regretted ever doubting his darling Gwendolen's pure and innocent nature. "Algy, is there a problem with your chair?"

"I wouldn't dream of passing judgment on your selection of furniture. That is a personal choice and it is your right to subject your dinner guests to what hideous monstrosities you see fit. Take your pleasure where you can, I say."

"Thank you for that. But it was not my impeccable sense of style but rather the condition of your chair to which I was referring, or more to the point, your posture in it. You seem to be sitting rather... close."

"Close? To the table? How else should I sit? After all, that is where the food is, or will be, I hope, if your staff intends to make another appearance anytime tonight."

" _Close to me_ , too close to me."

"What on earth are you talking about? I'm quite on the other side of the table, and besides, I've never heard of there being a problem with a man sitting anywhere near his own brother." Algernon appeared to consider this. Evilly. Jack wasn't sure how he managed it but there was a distinct appearance of evil in Algy's consideration. "Though this is the first time I've had a brother. Perhaps I've missed some of the nuances. Aunt Augusta?"

"I'm not sure I approve of this turn of conversation," said Lady Bracknell. "It seems to me exceedingly vulgar to openly discuss one's seating plans at dinner."

The wisdom of this could not be denied. Jack flushed. Seeing this, the ladies questioned whether he was feeling quite all right; his gaffe was quite unforgivable, even putting aside the fact that he'd derailed their discussion of ribbons on boots. He blamed his perhaps slightly addled mind on the nerves leading up to a new wedding, and a new name, or rather a newly found old name, and a host of newfound relations. But mostly it was the wedding. In a good way, of course. Thankfully, at this point he was rescued by the dessert tray.

Well, rescued from the conversation, at least. Algernon didn't bother to retreat back to his own side of the table. But then, neither did Jack.

* * *

"What-?" Jack demanded later, when the ladies had retired to the drawing room and Algernon accompanied him to the billiards room, where they could smoke without offending any delicate noses, or do anything else that might offend any other delicate senses. He'd intended to finish his sentence when he'd started it, but there didn't seem to be any need.

"I've been terribly bored," Algernon said in reply to any question that may have been forthcoming. "More to the point, why on earth is Aunt Augusta still here?"

"In what sense," Jack said after a moment, "is _that_ more to the point?"

"In every sense. I am going to be married. I am here as a guest in your home, trying to enjoy my last days of freedom-"

"Is _that_ what you're doing?"

"-and you have the gall to allow my aunt to stay on. _You_ , meanwhile, ought to be enjoying _your_ last days of freedom, and you have the indecency to permit _your_ aunt to stay on."

"Cecily?" Jack asked, confused.

"Aunt Augusta. I'm being honest now, try to keep up."

"Ah. Sorry, it's so hard to tell with you."

"Exactly my point! Good God, Earnest - Jack - Earnest - whoever you are-"

"My name is Earnest." said Jack. "You have always called me Earnest, I don't know why it should be so difficult for you to remember now." Algernon ignored him.

"...I've killed Mr. Bunbury, and I'm staying in a house with my cousin, my aunt, my affianced bride, and even you, you've turned into a relation! I can't bear being honest with this many relatives for this long. You have no idea of the strain I'm under."

"'This long'? What, since yesterday?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I'd think you'd be better off at your flat, then," Jack said, quite reasonably he thought, and only hoping a little bit that Algernon's departure might remind Lady Bracknell of her own home in the city, or else provide an excuse for his own escape. Algernon ignored this as well; his attention instead had been captured by the billiards table in the center of the room.

"You have a billiards table," he said, somewhat unnecessarily but delightedly. Jack resisted the urge to waste time pointing out that, well, yes, this _was_ the billiards room after all, realizing that the time could be better spent: he went directly to the brandy. 

"I've always wanted one," Algernon continued, "but there just wasn't enough room at the flat for a billiards room _and_ my piano. And it would be cruel of me to deprive my guests of music."

"You needn't have worried," said Jack, "really."

"No room at the flat," Algernon repeated, "and no privacy at the club. What a thoughtful brother you've turned out to be."

"I won't ask what you mean by that," Jack said, "but it does bring up the point I was trying to make if you hadn't distracted me with all this talk of aunts, which was, there are certain activities that I really don't think we should be indulging in at dinner anymore if we're going to be brothers, Algy. Or after dinner, either."

Algernon stopped testing the strength of the table and looked up. "That reminds me - are you going to be changing your surname as well? I don't think we should _both_ be Earnest Moncrieff. It seems to be stretching the bounds of brotherly affection."

"Oh, are you going to be Earnest as well? I'd forgotten. You're right. I hadn't given much thought to my surname."

"You really should, or you're going to confuse Gwendolen terribly at the wedding."

"But about those bounds of brotherly affection-" Jack pressed.

"Yes, I ignored you entirely."

"I thought so. Could you not? I'm being quite serious."

"Why, you're being downright earnest."

"...I'm going to give you a moment to regret that. It's your name too, you know."

"Yes, yes. Listen, Jack-"

"Earnest."

"-I don't think you're quite thinking this through. You're telling me we should change our habits - a habit to which I am quite accustomed to and thoroughly enjoy, I'll have you know-"

"Well, I'd hope so," said Jack.

"-and redefine our entire relationship simply because we happened to have learned something new. Which is absurd. Just imagine if we allowed learning to dictate all the conventions of society."

"You know, I'm not certain you believe any of the things you say. I think you believe that if you sound clever enough or shallow enough, people will be distracted and go along with you." Jack brought Algernon a brandy as he spoke. As Algernon was still leaning against the billiards table this necessarily put him in close proximity to both Algy and the table, a prospect which he was trying his very best not to get any ideas about. He had never had any ideas of any kind about that table before. What an influence a brother could be.

"You're a terribly suspicious person," Algernon said.

"Yes, suspicious enough to notice you didn't disagree," Jack said, resting his hip against the table. "In any case, it's not the conventions of society that I'm discussing. It is, in fact, more or less the opposite."

"Impossible," Algernon declared, "there's no such thing. Society expects a certain amount of breaking with convention, provided you keep the doors closed and the curtains drawn. It is, in fact, a convention. You'll disappoint Gwendolen horribly if you try to do away with all things unconventional, she'd have no sense of drama in her life."

"Please don't pretend you're thinking of Gwendolen. You're going to make me reconsider permitting your engagement to Cecily."

"You don't mean that, of course. I love Cecily with all my heart," Algernon said, all offended innocence. This would perhaps have been slightly more believable if he hadn't been leaning towards Jack as he spoke, his hands moving to lie on the table to either side of Jack's hips.

"Strange how the rest of your body seems to disagree," Jack said. He could have moved away, but, well, it was a surprisingly comfortable table, really.

"Not at all. I see nothing wrong in loving my brother with all my heart as well."

"It's not brotherly love that I'm talking about."

"That's good, because I've never thought of you as a brother. It is utterly unfashionable these days to have a brother. One never sees it in the best of houses."

"You're a terrible liar. You've called me your brother several times today already."

"Don't be ridiculous, you know as well as I do that I am a perfectly excellent liar. Of course we can be brothers when it suits. But I've no interest in it at the moment. I'm rather more interested in Jack."

"Earnest."

"Whoever you are."

At which point the doorknob rattled.

Neither moved. After a moment, when the doorknob rattled again, Jack looked back from the door to Algernon. "You latched the door?"

"I think ahead. It's one of my great strengths," Algernon said with his customary modesty.

The rattling was replaced by a light knock and a call for Mr. Worthing in a voice that sounded distinctly like the priest's. Jack wondered what on earth he was doing outside the billiards room, and said so.

"He's come to hear your sins," Algernon said.

"For God's sake, Algy, get off of me."

"Blasphemy, don't forget that one."

"That and the sodomy, I expect."

"No," Algernon said. "I never repent for a sin I intend to enjoy again." But Jack extricated himself from his brother and the table and went to unlatch the door.

The priest, as it turned out, was there to settle the still rather confused matter of who was being christened, and for that matter married, whichever was to come first; though he would certainly have been happy to hear a few sins in the bargain, just to spice up the day. Jack did his dutiful best to remember that blasphemy was a bad thing, and indeed, he managed to remember this for the entire length of the priest's visit.

He didn't bother trying to feel repentant about anything else.

 


End file.
